Cancelled - UGH

I kind of had a feeling this morning when I went in for my b/w and u/s when the nurse said I had a cyst that of course my cyst was going to be a functioning cyst, of course, why would my body want to cooperate with me? Well the nurse just called and the cyst is 18mm and my estrogen level is above 300. I asked the nurse what this means and she said it means that I stop the Lupron, and I'm cancelled. WTF!?!?!?!

She said to call her when my period comes which could be in 3 weeks, could be sooner - wonderful - so instead of being part way through my 2ww in 3 weeks, I'll be waiting for AF to show up so I can start the cycle again. THEN I'm on BCPs for another 3 freaking weeks - those mother effing pills. They're upping my dose so that I will hopefully be suppressed, and then they're overlapping the Lupron with the BCPs by 7 days instead of 3 and they're upping that dose too (I was on 10u this time, so maybe i'll be doing 20u?).

If my body decides to cooperate this time I should be possibly doing an ER at the beginning of February. So instead of possibly being about 10 weeks pregnant at that time if IVF #1 worked, I'll be just doing my ER then.

I'm so upset right now. I am NOT a patient person and I thought I was FINALLY going to start stims and get this show on the road and now I'm cancelled.

I think I'm going to take a little break from thebump and blogging for now, they're just harsh reminders of what I SHOULD be doing and most everyone else is moving on with their cycles or are getting positive news. I need to come to terms with even more waiting and I want to enjoy the holidays even though I'm going to be only thinking of one thing. I've decided that while I'm waiting I'm going to work out more, drink a lot of wine and have a lot of sex with my hot husband until we can finally get this show on the road. Let's just hope that once we can actually cycle that this works.