Great Weekend and 5w0d!

I can't believe I'm 5w0d today and next week I'm going to be able to see my little nugget. Nick and I cannot wait - we're so excited!

But along with that excitement comes nerves, nerves that things aren't going to be where they're supposed to be, nerves that our baby is measuring really far behind, nerves that we might not see the heartbeat, although at 6w0d it might be too early. But today and this week I'm going to enjoy being pregnant, I'm going to enjoy dreaming about my belly growing and movement and then holding our baby in my arms in October. Those hopes and dreams are going to get me through this week. That and the fact that Nick keeps talking to the baby and taking amazing care of me.

This weekend was really great. Friday night we went out to dinner to celebrate a really great final beta and then cuddled on the couch watching Flight with a fire raging. Of course I was in bed asleep by 10pm, because don't ASK me to keep my eyes open any later than that!

On Saturday we were really lazy and I relaxed all day (did a bit of cleaning around the house) and took a 3.5 hour nap (GLORIOUS!). We went to dinner that night with my parents and my sister and BIL to celebrate my BILs birthday. It was so great to see my parents and family after sharing the news with them. They're so excited and my mom was even talking about quitting her part time job so she can come be with the baby a lot, which is great. It's so nice to have family so close by. 

Sunday I met some Bump friends from the IF board for the 1st time for brunch. It was SO nice to meet everyone and hang out and just connect with other women dealing with IF. I did feel a bit awkward because I was pregnant and to be honest I felt guilty that I had success, I also didn't want to talk about it either, it just felt wrong to discuss. I felt guilty that my cycle went pretty smoothly (after my cancelled one), that I had a good response and had great blasts. I felt guilty that it worked for me, and it's a weird thing to feel guilty about being pregnant. It's hard to explain to someone without IF. It's just not fair that these wonderful women, many of whom have struggled much more than me, are still struggling for their dream to come true. Now I get what other PAIF-ers say about the IF pregnancy guilt. It's a real syndrome folks and it hit me full force yesterday. After brunch I definitely had a little breakdown and cried because IF is just not fair - it's a cruel cruel situation and I wouldn't wish it on my biggest enemy (not that I have any of those). IF hurts so many people, it fucks with your self-esteem, your self-worth, your body, your marriage, your friendships, your happiness. It's just horrible and I'm so lucky to have come out of this (for now) on a positive note, but there are so many others who aren't that lucky and my thoughts are always with them. 

I also stopped by BuyBuy Baby yesterday to pick up a baby gift for Nick's cousin who just gave birth a couple weeks ago and I found myself wandering the store longing to register for baby gear even though it's WAY too early for that. But I can't wait for that day!!

Then it was off to the grocery store and target to pick up healthy pregnancy superfoods and gifts for the IF sock exchange. All in all, I was on my feet and out and about for about 4-5 hours yesterday and by the end I was exhausted, my uterus was really cramping and as soon as we got home, I laid down and slept for a bit before cooking dinner, then going to bed. All in all it was a good weekend, but I am exhausted today. Thank goodness I can work from home. I wish that working from home meant I can take a nap during lunch, but unfortunately I have to run to UPS to drop off those packages. It's going to be an early night tonight, I can feel it!

Dinner last night: Salmon, sauteed spinach and mushrooms and whole grain couscous!
Let the pregnancy healthy eating commence!
And no, that isn't my beer in the background, that is Nick's from his keg - he's such a beer snob