CD15 - IUI #3 day

So today was the day for IUI #3. When Nick came back from dropping off his sample he said he was really nervous and felt it was low. He was right, the sample was really low and had the lowest motility of any samples we've had to IUIs. I'm pretty prepared this is going to be a bust, even though I'm on the first day of the 2WW. I think I'm trying not to set myself up for complete devastation when I get that news in 2 weeks or when AF decides to come up.

I'm trying to stay positive and relaxed with my circle & bloom meditations, but it's so hard right now. I kind of felt when we first started this whole process and learned our diagnosis, that we would be getting our baby(ies) from IVF, but I was clinging to hope that we wouldn't have to go that route.

The good news is that Nick is completely on board with IVF and if this IUI fails we're moving straight into an IVF cycle. I'm prepared to move onto the next step which is more aggressive and time consuming yes, but the success rates are much higher at 50%. Nick and I also already decided if we need to do IVF we're transferring 2 embryos if we have them to up our chances. I'll take the chance of twins or even triplets if it means I get to be a mom.

Nick came with me to the IUI, the first time he's done so, and we waited FOREVER to go back. While we were waiting there, 4 different women ALL WITH BABIES/TODDLERS came into the waiting room. ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME?? I almost burst into tears over the insensitivity of it all. I'm sitting there silently praying the sample is good, praying this IUI works, and they have the audacity to prance their beautiful children around like a badge of honor. Screw them. When I have a child, I will NEVER EVER forget my struggle with IF and I will always be so grateful and thankful to have a child and would never "show off" in front of women struggling. Nick said when he was there earlier to drop his sample off that the waiting room was completely full and there were almost no seats left and a woman and her husband and their 6 month old came into the office and no one got up to let them sit by each other. He said that him and every other woman there were so angry and hurt to see a beautiful baby cooing in her mother's arms while people are struggling to have one of their own.

I don't know why I'm so emotional today, I just have this feeling it's not going to work this time despite my 3 big follies. IVF with ICSI I think is how we're going to grow our family.

Here's to hoping these next 2 weeks fly by. Luckily my 28th birthday is thrown in there and Nick and I are headed out to Galena, a town about 3 hours away to a B&B for a long weekend to celebrate. Problem is, we're headed out there right after I get my beta so we'll either be celebrating or I'll be depressed. I hope it's the former, because I really don't want to have to deal with being all emotional when we're supposed to be having a romantic weekend. Also, don't want AF for that either - that's the worst, romantic weekend ruined by AF.

Here's a pic of the cabin we're staying at in 2 weeks, I can't wait! We love this place, it's fabulous!