IVF Day 11 - I SUCK at Life and Such

I feel like lately I've just been SO consumed with all things IF. I mean probably since we got the DX  back in May, but more so since we started treatment in August. I'm obsessed, can't think about anything else sometimes, I drive Nick crazy with my obsession. It's now permeated into a lot of other aspects of my life, let's list how much I suck and fail at life since IF now.

1. I don't go to the gym regularly anymore because I'm scared of screwing something up in a medicated cycle and let's face it, I'm kind of lazy too and would rather plop my ass on the couch and watch TV or read a book
2. I've gained about 15-20 pounds in the past year and a lot of clothes don't fit which is probably due to not going to the gym as much, stuffing my face since I'm an emotional eater and I'll blame the meds too - the meds are making me fat. Now I'm moving to IVF I'm going to get the IVF bloat and look like I'm 3 months preggo
3. I suck at cooking - I'm not a huge fan and I suck at going to the grocery store. I would SO much rather get something quick or even do grilled cheese and soup (what am I 5?) rather than make an actual meal that takes time. Although I did make spaghetti and meatballs from scratch the other night and it wasn't that hard.
4. I suck at cleaning/organizing. Thank GOD we have a cleaning lady or else my house would be a pigsty. I'm a naturally clean and neat person but I just don't have the energy and Nick is a total and complete slob and doesn't ever pick up after himself (number #1 problem in our marriage - we're lucky we fight about cleaning rather than anything else)
1. Oh and the organizing - mostly due to the fact that Nick throws all of his shit into random closets, drawers, etc. SO annoying
5. I SUCK at staying in contact with friends/family. Since I'm so wrapped up in IF I've alienated a lot of my friends because a) I don't want to talk about it with them - most of my friends are very career driven, aren't married, and some don't even want kids and b) I kind of suck at staying in contact with people when i'm not obsessed with something anyway
6. I have not worn normal clothes in like a week. Since I work from home most of the time, I'm in yoga pants and a sweatshirt, hair up, no makeup, glasses on all day. Then I'll shower and put another pair of yoga pants on. I've turned into someone I NEVER thought I would be. And poor Nick is getting the brunt of it. I'm sure he's super excited to see his wife dressed like a slob and not showered every day when he gets home from work - yep - I'm SUPAH DUPAH sexy
7. I stumbled upon a blog the other day where this woman is WAY more organized and put together than I'll ever be and it dawned on me, I don't think I'm ever going to be one of those women/moms who has their shit put together all the time. Like I'm so going to forget to bake something for my kid's bakesale or forget they have to wear a costume to school, or forget to sign a release for a field trip and frickin Suzy homemaker is going to be sitting over there judging and being all perfect and I'll look like I just rolled out of bed and she'll look like a J.Crew catalog. Trust me, that's SO going to happen
8. I just really don't like people. I get so annoyed with them sometimes and hate large crowds of people who are inconsiderate. Case in point, Galena, 2 weeks ago - beautiful fall weekend and it's a very popular destination in the fall. Sidewalks were COMPLETELY clogged, I'm talking you have to elbow your way through to see the window of some cutesy tootsey overpriced shop. So I'm annoyed before we even get in a store and Nick knows this and he keeps squeezing my hand and telling me to breath (I so love him). We walk into this canning store because they have a ton of hot sauce (Nick's vice) and lots of fun and tasty dips, salsa, etc. and I'm thinking - ooh good xmas presents and good for Thanksgiving. So I'm browsing and decide on a few things. These stores are CRAMPED. Think brick building built in the 1800s - very narrow, not good air flow, etc. Of course I get a little claustrophobic too - fun fun. I round the corner of the store and come upon a part of the store that is lined on both walls with shelves of hot sauce that jut out into the walkway and a cart in the middle with samples of a shitton of dips, sauces, etc. So ALL I have to do to get out of the God forsaken place is walk freaking 15 feet to the register, pay, and then I get fresh air again. But nope, wasn't going to be that easy. Because there were extremely large annoying people in front of me sampling EVERY single sample. Now I'm all for trying free food which is why I love going to Sam's, but at Sam's I take my sample and move out of the way. Well apparently these people didn't have any common courtesy because they proceeded to sample slowly comment on each freaking thing they ate and slowly move along. Well I'm SUPER annoyed by this time and Nick is right on the other end of the hoard and can see me freaking out. I even said excused me and huffed and puffed a few times to get their attention and did it work, nope? I wanted to say a couple choice things while I was waiting for them to move along "This isn't a FUCKING restaurant!" was one of them and another one was "MOVE OUT OF MY FUCKING WAY BEFORE I PUKE ALL OVER YOU!" Yeah, either one of those, not so tactful. Finally I get out of that store and I was so annoyed by this point we had to go back to the B&B before I had a major freak out. I can tell all of you think I'm a huge bitch right now, and that's ok, because I told you, I SUCK at LIFE
9. My SIL's house looks like an effing Pottery Barn or Restoration Hardware Catalog and mine looks like a house you'd see on one of those organization shows. And not the after picture.

So basically I'm kind of a horrible person, suck at life, am obsessed over everything and anything IF and kind of a bitch.** To be honest, I think this is more self-deprecating than anything because if I don't laugh at how much I FAIL, I'll just cry. I hope I can get my shit together once I get pregnant and before I bring any baby into my home of cray cray.

And I'm sure all of you are now thinking how thankful you are you have your shit together and aren't crazy like that crazy IF Lisa woman. I know you're thinking that - and it's ok, I forgive you because it's probably totally true. Feel free to advise me on how not to suck and what tips/tricks you have to keep your shit together. I need all the help I can get!

In other news - IVF consult is tomorrow. I'm sure I'll be back to my normal, non-crazy, non-emotional self tomorrow and can provide you all with the update I'm sure you're dying to hear! Or you'll just get some more of my ramblings, and in that case, you can feel free to avoid my blog for a couple of days. Yep, I'm totally talking like I have a ton of blog followers and people care that I've gone off the deep end (le sigh). Thank the lord I haven't told anyone I know personally about this blog, I'd be checked into the nuthouse.

** I swear I'm not a bitch, I really am a nice, considerate person, I just have a bit of a short fuse and a teensy bit of an anger problem, which I'm fully aware of and working on. Self-improvement people, never stop working on yourself - my list is like a mile long, but hey, I'm aware!