A New Year, a New Outlook

Hello blog world, so sorry I've neglected you! I stepped away from blogging for a bit due to the holidays and new year and work was super busy when I got back and I don't blog on my phone, because I'm challenged like that, so here we are, the first Monday of a full work week in a while. Nick and I had a great new year - we went out to dinner and were really low key and on New Year's Day we both made a pact. We're not going to let IF define us and rule our lives. We are going to make 2013 a better year than 2012 even if that doesn't include a baby. We are going to both work on ourselves to try to find happiness with what we have rather than dwelling on the things we don't. We are going to try to be kinder, more patient, more laid back people and not let every little thing get to us. We are going to make our marriage a priority as it has been on the back burner a bit with IF. We are going to get healthier and love our bodies regardless of the imperfections. We are going to get through this and come out at the end stronger, wiser and happier, even if that doesn't include a baby, although I most certainly hope it does.

I really need a new outlook because I've been very negative lately and I feel that negativity coursing through me and it's toxic. So I'm going to meditate more and practice a little bit of zen buddism, not for the religious aspects, but for the spiritual, calming aspect. I think it will benefit me. I've found myself getting really angry over stupid things and over things I cannot change, like my mom, my SIL, etc. I cannot change who they are, I need to accept that I cannot expect anything from them because they'll always let me down. Instead of having all these expectations set on other people I need to be more introspective and focus on myself and better myself. If I better myself from within, I'll be able to deal with all the external stressors a lot more. Now let's see if I can practice this. I have very little patience for stupid, mean spirited people, so hopefully my new outlook will help me become more zen.

In IVF news, I'm chugging along - took my last BCP last night - WOO HOO!!! I've been on Lupron for a week and go in on Friday for my baseline u/s and b/w. This is the appointment last cycle that did not go well, so I'm really nervous and scared and hope all is good and I can start stims that night. Still on track as of now for an ER the week of 1/21. I really hope I get to that point and I'm trying to be positive about it, but it just seems so far away, even though it's only 2 weeks. Hopefully the time will fly by and I can find some activities to distract me.

So happy new year blog world - I hope your new year brings you great happiness and joy! Here's to an amazing 2013! At this point anything can be better than 2012! :)